On why religion and spirituality need each other.

iStock/Pete Will

We've all heard the phrase, "spiritual, but not religious." In fact, I have felt comfortable being placed in this category for the past decade. Being spiritual, for me, meant feeling a connection to something greater than myself while not feeling comfortable within a religious community. I knew there was more to life, but I didn't believe I needed religion to find it. This path led me to a more peaceful and confident place than I ever found by going to church. And over the years I've realized that my religion was missing one incredibly important thing for me - the thing that would have been a game-changer for my willingness to stay there: my own spirituality. 

In a recent Pew report, nearly 1 in 5 Americans described themselves as "spiritual, but not religious." Researchers found that for most religiously unaffilated participants in the study, "their views of churches and other religious organizations are decidedly mixed. A majority agree that religious organizations strengthen community bonds and play an important role in helping the poor and needy. But most also say that religious organizations are too concerned with money and power, too focused on rules and too involved in politics." Did you hear about the German bishop who installed a $20,000 tub in his home? Not hard to see where some of that frustration with religion/money/power comes from.

Despite the apparent divide between the spiritual and religious, these two words weren't always used exclusively. 

"Before the 20th century the terms religious and spiritual were used more or less interchangeably. But a number of modern intellectual and cultural forces have accentuated differences between the 'private' and 'public' spheres of life. The increasing prestige of the sciences, the insights of modern biblical scholarship, and greater awareness of cultural relativism all made it more difficult for educated American to sustain unqualified loyalty to religious institutions. Many began to associate genuine faith with the 'private' realm of personal experience rather than with the 'public' realm of institutions, creeds, and rituals. The word spiritual gradually came to be associated with a private realm of thought and experience while the word religious came to be connected with the public realm of membership in religious institutions, participation in formal rituals, and adherence to official denominational doctrines." (Fuller, Robert C.)

Spirituality became something that people could do on their own, while religion was something that people did together. This is where I believe spirituality trumps religion. Spirituality is uniquely personal. It's the heart and soul of what we are as human beings. It's what we know - in our core - to be our truth, and it's what we feel when we are witness to miraculous moments. That gnawing feeling that we are a tiny part of something very grand. 

"Spirituality exists wherever we struggle with the issue of how our lives fit into the greater cosmic scheme of things. This is true even when our questions never give way to specific answers or give rise to specific practices such as prayer or meditation. We encounter spiritual issues every time we wonder where the universe comes from, why we are here, or what happens when we die. We also become spiritual when we become moved by values such as beauty, love, or creativity that seem to reveal a meaning or power beyond our visible world. An idea or practice is "spiritual" when it reveals our personal desire to establish a felt-relationship with the deepest meanings or powers governing life." (Fuller, Robert C.)

I'm sure many people who consider themselves religious are up in arms over my saying that spirituality trumps religion. However, I'm not saying that being religious can't be powerful, transformative, and life-changing. I just have this sinking feeling that there are many religious people who do not feel an innate connection with God. They do not feel loved and cherished by the divine. ...But they DO go to church. They do perform religious rituals. They do consider themselves part of a religious community. And they are going through the actions of religion without really feeling connected to that which religion was made to connect us to. 

You can be spiritual, without being religious. And you can be religious, without being spiritual. Which is worse? 

One of my favorite people, the Reverend Ed Bacon, taped this interview with Oprah for Super Soul Sunday back in 2011. Listen to what he says about being spiritual and being religious.

To be spiritual is to be on a search to know God. Whether you've been going to church your whole life or haven't ever stepped in one, religion will not transform your life until your heart is open to spirit - until you realize that you are a spiritual being having a human experience. 

So it's great to be spiritual, right? But wait.... 

"Spirituality without action is fruitless and social action without spirituality is heartless." - Rev. Ed Bacon

Too often, being "spiritual, but not religious" keeps us from being in community with others. If we feel connected to God, or the Divine, don't we want to share that with others? And I don't mean in an evangelical sense (heck no!), but in the sense that the love and good energy we feel can radiate outward to those around us. A connection to God naturally fills us with compassion, love, and goodwill toward others. And while we can spread these things on our own, just think of how much more we can accomplish when we work with others?

"Spirituality is an emotion. Religion is an obligation. Spirituality soothes. Religion mobilizes. Spirituality is satisfied with itself. Religion is dissatisfied with the world. Religions create aid organizations; as Nicholas Kristof pointed out in a column in the New York Times two years ago: the largest U.S.-based international relief and development organization is not Save the Children or Care, it’s World Vision, a Seattle-based Christian group." (Rabbi David Wolpe, TIME magazine)

I would be willing to bet that for every kind of spiritual person out there, there is a community somewhere that would welcome you with open arms. Religious communities NEED you. And, it's quite possible you need them. Being part of a community puts us into an arena with others, challenging what we have held to be true. We will never know all the answers with 100% certainty, and communities can help us to continue our search with new perspectives and possibilities. Though I don't feel like anything is a perfect fit, I have been able to find a home within the Unitarian Universalist community (www.uua.org - yep, shameless plug) where I feel like my spirituality is nurtured. I want to be part of a community, and I want my children to know that they are part of something larger than themselves. These days, I might describe myself as "spiritual AND religious." For me, they are becoming one in the same. 

I'm not so sure I've made sense of all this spirituality and religion stuff - it's obviously a tricky subject. But I hope I've gotten your wheels turning a bit. What do you think? I'd love to hear your thoughts.