Living in the tank: Why sometimes it's tempting to hide from the world.

I recently purchased a book from Amazon: "The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have" by Mark Nepo. I got it because one of my favorite parenting podcasts (shoutout to Zen Parenting Radio!) mentioned it and said it was in a format in which you read a little something each day of the year. I thought it would be great to have a little pick-me-up or thought-for-the-day each morning, so I bought the Kindle version.

It's amazing when the universe sends you a great, big "Hello!" or "Yes, I'm right here with you." The daily reading for this morning, January 9th, couldn't have been more well-timed.

Yesterday, I found myself feeling a bit weighted down, or overwhelmed, by the world. Life is hard. Even if you have all of your basic needs met, extra money... an "easy" life, there always seem to be things that are difficult to deal with. There is always something that demands our energy.

And sometimes, I just want to hide from it all. It's too difficult.

Today's reading was about fish who were moved from their tank to a bathtub while their tank was being cleaned. Instead of swimming in this giant, new body of water, the fish stayed huddled together in an area of tub the same size as their tank.

"Life in the tank made me think of how we are raised at home and in school. It made me think of being told that certain jobs are not acceptable and that certain jobs are out of reach, of being schooled to live in a certain way, of being trained to think that only practical things are possible, of being warned over and over that life outside the tank of our values is risky and dangerous. 

It makes me wonder now, in middle age, if being spontaneous and kind and curious are all parts of our natural ability to swim. Each time I hesitate to do the unplanned or unexpected, or hesitate to reach and help another, or hesitate to inquire about something I know nothing about; each time I ignore the impulse to run in the rain or to call you up just to say I love you - I wonder, am I turning on myself, swimming safely in the middle of the tub?" - Mark Nepo

I was swimming in my tank yesterday. I didn't want to leave and go out into the world because it just seemed.... unswimmable.

Creating and nurturing friendships, raising good children, injecting more good into the world, becoming part of my community... it all takes so much energy and to be honest, it's really scary sometimes.

This is exactly the reason I have always felt a connection to something greater than myself.

"From lying to explosive anger to addiction to the inability to forgive to overwhelming helplessness in the face of tragedy to the constant, gnawing anxiety that won't go away to the haunting sense that you're not good enough no matter how hard you work and what you achieve, when we're talking about God, we're talking about the very real sense we have that we do not, on our own, have everything we need and we are not, on our own, everything we could be." (Rob Bell, "What We Talk About When We Talk About God")

I believe we were all made to swim in the ocean, but at times, doing so requires that we draw upon an energy that is greater than our own.

God helps me leave my tank.

So when I'm feeling weighed down by the world, I want to try to remember that I don't have to tackle everything on my own. I was made to swim. And there is an endless source of hope, love, and wisdom to tap into if I'm willing to do so.